Saturday, November 10, 2007
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Indian-style Matchmaking but Online..
CNNMoney article: Matchmaking Indian-style
with better business model, increase in funding online matrimony business in India is becoming one of the fastest growing web2.0 service, with a growth trajectory of as high as 90 per cent annually in some cases. Currently membership is estimated at 7million+ users and with 60% annual volume growth.
Now Iam under pressure from friends & family to get onto one of those websites to zero-in 'the perfect one'.
Online matrimony is a project just like offline matrimony. It requires considerable time, energy and capacity to reject/ accept rejection. An interesting experiment was carried out by HT's Brunch supplement. One of their staffers registered two profiles on a dating website. One was an 'adventurous, fun loving, 'wants to live life to the fullest' type' and the other a more staid description. Profile1 was flooded with response (the sex variety) while profile 2 got barely a trickle. And a male journalist who registered his profile got.. absolutely no response.
Problem is success or failure of a dating/ matrimonial site depends on no. of girls registered/ing. I notice common assumption that-- 'open-to-dating' women have enough choices in real life, when they are in the college-age bracket. The trouble starts when you finish your education and into your second job by which time you may have a limited social life and little opportunity to meet new people. That's when people turn to matrimonial websites.
Some interesting Stats - According to IAMAI:
- have a gender ratio of 69% male, 31% female, which is far better.
- 37% of registered users are between age 18-25. so I am guessing they are actually using it for dating purposes. But perhaps the 'matrimonial' purpose of the website cues that 'I am not that type of girl/ guy'. As in I may eventually wish to marry you.
- Marital status : 63% Unmarried, 31% Married without kids, 25% Married with kids, 4% Divorced.
A plausible explanation for such profile data is that these are uncles,aunties,friends,parents of prospective grooms and brides. People like me, searching for other people. But still.. it creeps me out.
Can someone explain web2.0 matrimonial industry data please?
Credits: CNNMoney and YouthCurry
with better business model, increase in funding online matrimony business in India is becoming one of the fastest growing web2.0 service, with a growth trajectory of as high as 90 per cent annually in some cases. Currently membership is estimated at 7million+ users and with 60% annual volume growth.
Now Iam under pressure from friends & family to get onto one of those websites to zero-in 'the perfect one'.
Online matrimony is a project just like offline matrimony. It requires considerable time, energy and capacity to reject/ accept rejection. An interesting experiment was carried out by HT's Brunch supplement. One of their staffers registered two profiles on a dating website. One was an 'adventurous, fun loving, 'wants to live life to the fullest' type' and the other a more staid description. Profile1 was flooded with response (the sex variety) while profile 2 got barely a trickle. And a male journalist who registered his profile got.. absolutely no response.
Problem is success or failure of a dating/ matrimonial site depends on no. of girls registered/ing. I notice common assumption that-- 'open-to-dating' women have enough choices in real life, when they are in the college-age bracket. The trouble starts when you finish your education and into your second job by which time you may have a limited social life and little opportunity to meet new people. That's when people turn to matrimonial websites.
Some interesting Stats - According to IAMAI:
- have a gender ratio of 69% male, 31% female, which is far better.
- 37% of registered users are between age 18-25. so I am guessing they are actually using it for dating purposes. But perhaps the 'matrimonial' purpose of the website cues that 'I am not that type of girl/ guy'. As in I may eventually wish to marry you.
- Marital status : 63% Unmarried, 31% Married without kids, 25% Married with kids, 4% Divorced.
A plausible explanation for such profile data is that these are uncles,aunties,friends,parents of prospective grooms and brides. People like me, searching for other people. But still.. it creeps me out.
Can someone explain web2.0 matrimonial industry data please?
Credits: CNNMoney and YouthCurry
Monday, July 02, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Mate or soul Mate...!
Are some people just meant to be in our lives, to play a part, even after we think that we might loss them. What is the role of accidental meetings, coincidental phone calls, coincidental mass emails sent by to an address which still lies in your address book which you`ve never been able to delete, because you just don't want to. Why is it that these people leave such big foot print.!
It`s amazing the way some people are a part of your life. How they just happen to pop in at intervals decided by the Universe. It`s ironic because it`s the same universe that conspired may one day take those people away from you. I don`t know why though. I`m reading my journal right now and I have written "She`s Perfect"...
It`s amazing the way some people are a part of your life. How they just happen to pop in at intervals decided by the Universe. It`s ironic because it`s the same universe that conspired may one day take those people away from you. I don`t know why though. I`m reading my journal right now and I have written "She`s Perfect"...
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Spouse: Truth About Marriage by Shobha Dé
found this interesting write-up from Shobha De about her book 'Spouse: Truth About Marriage'. Its interesting debate about Love and Arranged Marriage, how marriages work & why they fail.
after reading this, my first thought 'well, If only Life is that simple but then Life supposed to fun but not easy'. when it comes to marriage nothing is right or wrong but Its right or left. Either ways, you can make your life happy & fun experience if you are determined to do so (and ofcourse, Luck always helps)
Love vs Arranged :Pyar Kiya To Darna Kya
I have seen as many successful ‘arranged’ marriages, as ‘love’ marriages. This is, of course, a peculiarly Indian description that amuses the rest of the world. But hey, I see ‘arranged’ or ‘semi-arranged’ marriages catching on, even in the West. Perhaps people have woken up to the reality that there are no real guarantees, no safety nets, either way. You can consult the most revered astrologer, talk to the family pundit, match horoscopes for all the ‘gunas’ endorsed by the shastras, but if a marriage has to collapse, it will. Ditto for a marriage driven by emotion, which we so cutely call a ‘love marriage’. It’s a fifty-fifty chance, whichever option one takes.
Young people have figured this out, perhaps intuitively. A lot of kids today are entrusting this all-important decision to their folks—parents, relatives, even well-meaning friends. Of course, the new ‘arrangement’ is more open-ended and better structured. Devoid of the old ‘rules’, which prescribed the ghastly ‘Dekho’ session, the social meetings orchestrated by middle men or women these days work in a more acceptable fashion.
I often ask my father what he thinks are the two basic factors that made his marriage a success. He always gives me the same answer: ‘character and abiding love’. With these comes the rest of the package. It helped, of course, that my father flipped for my mother’s looks at first glance. But what about her? Did she have a choice in the matter? He insists she did and that nobody could have forced the spirited seventeen-year-old Shakuntala to marry a man she did not fancy. what about fights? Differences? Tantrums? Of course their marriage had their fair share of all these. But beyond occasional arguments and sulks, I don’t recall a day of sustained hostility or unpleasantness. If they had problems, they settled them in privacy. It was, in many ways, a great marriage, full of sharing, caring and deep understanding. And more than that, full of communication.
One need not rule out either communication or passion in a modern-day arranged match. Recently, while in America, I met several extremely bright American Desis. I confess I was a little surprised when told that most of the young couples slaving away for their MBAs, were in fact, not the dating couples I imagined, who’d taken campus romance to the altar, but couples who’d met as strangers through family intervention. In this day and age, these kids had taken the crucial seven steps around the holy fire, without so much as holding hands before the wedding night! And here they were, some with young children, others still settling into their new lives as ‘young marrieds’, but nobody could possibly guess that they had opted for a conventional ‘arranged’ marriage out of choice. When I expressed my surprise, they drawled, ‘Aaw—no big deal . . . it has worked out just great!’ And so it seemed!
In Mumbai, too, more and more children of parents I know are leaving it to mom and dad to look for the right alliance. ‘My mother knows me better than I know myself,’ a young man confessed, ‘I trust her judgement. My dad has seen the world, he has more experience. They know what’s good for me.’ And these are guys in their mid-thirties, who have studied in foreign universities, dated a few girls, done the party circuit. And yet, when it came to marriage, they were more than happy to settle for a conventional, old-fashioned match. Much like their grandparents!
It was my generation that stupidly rebelled against a system that had worked perfectly well for centuries. A lot of us paid the price for letting our impulsive hearts decide who our life partners would be. No regrets. Just that I fear we were blindly following the West and taking our cues from Hollywood, just to prove to our parents how ‘liberated’ and ‘modern’ we were.
Our kids are smarter. And more realistic. They’ve seen too many marriages collapse and they definitely don’t want repeat performances in their own lives. Force-fed on romantic drivel from countless movies, it’s a generation that laughs at the old Mills and Boon version of marriage. They ache for performance and stability. If an arranged match can provide both, they’re not averse to considering it.
They were refreshingly candid while talking about the methodical manner in which their parents had gone about the whole thing. The girls were all educated, attractive professionals who looked happy enough as they adapted to an entirely alien culture with an entirely alien partner. ‘ We got to know each other only after the wedding. But it has worked out,’ they insisted. Some had had earlier relationships, but claimed that fact did not colour their decision. They’d made informed choices and expressed no regrets.
On the other hand, I also met alarmingly young divorcees (some with babies), who lamented the day they’d said, ‘I do’ to a boyfriend of long standing. ‘We thought we knew each other so well. We were used to each other’s ways, too. God knows what went wrong after we got married. It reached a point where we couldn’t stand the sight of one another.’ Can happen. Does happen. Love . . . passion . . . desire . . . madness . . . where does everything vanish? Nobody knows.
The worst thing about a love marriage that ends up on the rocks is that parents get all huffy and judgmental. ‘We told you it wouldn’t work. Did you listen? We knew he wasn’t the right person. Now look where you are.’ Parents in such a situation do have a point. But they also need to rise above their own feelings of outrage and false pride and provide much needed empathy to a child who has made a mistake and is going through hell.
Love marriages may be more common now than they once were in our society, but that’s only because of increased mobility and access. Dating starts during the teenage years. Couples might see each other for close to a decade before tying the knot. But even such marriages can collapse, much to the parents’ dismay. ‘After ten long years you people still didn’t know what you were doing! Ridiculous!’
Parents must avoid this harsh judgment trap and extend a helping hand to an emotionally distressed offspring dealing with a broken marriage and much else. This is a time which can only be described as wretched. I know the feeling. I’ve gone through it myself.
Your self-worth is at its lowest and you’ve never felt as desperately alone. You also feel the entire world is sitting in judgment over what is a personal and painful decision. Friends take sides, cast aspersions, play the blame game. As for foes—they gloat and chortle with glee, while trading the ugliest rumours and theories as to why the marriage collapsed.
If, at such a time, your immediate family turns its back on you too, then why call yourself family in the first place? All it takes is a little sensitivity, a little love, a little patience. I keep running into single parents trying hard to cope with a failed marriage, while presenting a tough facade. Having been there, I can identify with the emotion. No matter what anybody says, it isn’t easy. Never was, never will be. Society is not known for its kindness. When the chips are down, you have just one person to fall back on—yourself!
Not every love match is similarly doomed. There are enough marriages based on great romance. Marriages that have survived all attempts to ruin them. Couples who have battled tremendous odds to be together—religious problems, caste problems, class problems, too. Yet, I fear the vulgarization of the entire love-marriage phenomenon.
At least some of the blame for this has to be shared by popular Hindi cinema. Love ke liye kuch bhi karega and similar sentiments. Nearly everyday, our newspapers run headlines about lovers caught in some hideous situation—elopements gone awry; acid attacks on women who have turned down ardent suitors; kidnappings and rapes. All this in the name of ‘love’. It’s not just an urban problem. These ludicrous manifestations of ‘love’ can be found in rural India, too! A direct spin-off of Bollywood potboilers, I’m convinced.
Marry for love, by all means. But be realistic at the same time. Marrying ‘above’ or ‘beneath’ your own level is an option only the stout-hearted should take. Even in this day and age, a large part of India is still preoccupied with caste and class. Those who attempt to cross either or both, will necessarily be up against a great deal of resistance.
To have the guts to stand up for your beliefs and marry the person you fancy, despite daunting odds, is a challenge. If, on the other hand, you are lucky enough to flip for someone you can happily take home to mother, go for it. There is no better reason to give up your independence than to be with a person you love and who loves you. But love alone is no guarantee.
At the end of the day, it’s back to the C-word: commitment. A couple in an ‘arranged’ match can fall in love later and make a success of their marriage. But someone opting for love cannot then look for the rewards of an arranged alliance. Love is meant to overcome all odds and embrace any and every complication. Nothing quite as unrealistic or lofty is expected from a more conventional approach.
after reading this, my first thought 'well, If only Life is that simple but then Life supposed to fun but not easy'. when it comes to marriage nothing is right or wrong but Its right or left. Either ways, you can make your life happy & fun experience if you are determined to do so (and ofcourse, Luck always helps)
Love vs Arranged :Pyar Kiya To Darna Kya
I have seen as many successful ‘arranged’ marriages, as ‘love’ marriages. This is, of course, a peculiarly Indian description that amuses the rest of the world. But hey, I see ‘arranged’ or ‘semi-arranged’ marriages catching on, even in the West. Perhaps people have woken up to the reality that there are no real guarantees, no safety nets, either way. You can consult the most revered astrologer, talk to the family pundit, match horoscopes for all the ‘gunas’ endorsed by the shastras, but if a marriage has to collapse, it will. Ditto for a marriage driven by emotion, which we so cutely call a ‘love marriage’. It’s a fifty-fifty chance, whichever option one takes.
Young people have figured this out, perhaps intuitively. A lot of kids today are entrusting this all-important decision to their folks—parents, relatives, even well-meaning friends. Of course, the new ‘arrangement’ is more open-ended and better structured. Devoid of the old ‘rules’, which prescribed the ghastly ‘Dekho’ session, the social meetings orchestrated by middle men or women these days work in a more acceptable fashion.
I often ask my father what he thinks are the two basic factors that made his marriage a success. He always gives me the same answer: ‘character and abiding love’. With these comes the rest of the package. It helped, of course, that my father flipped for my mother’s looks at first glance. But what about her? Did she have a choice in the matter? He insists she did and that nobody could have forced the spirited seventeen-year-old Shakuntala to marry a man she did not fancy. what about fights? Differences? Tantrums? Of course their marriage had their fair share of all these. But beyond occasional arguments and sulks, I don’t recall a day of sustained hostility or unpleasantness. If they had problems, they settled them in privacy. It was, in many ways, a great marriage, full of sharing, caring and deep understanding. And more than that, full of communication.
One need not rule out either communication or passion in a modern-day arranged match. Recently, while in America, I met several extremely bright American Desis. I confess I was a little surprised when told that most of the young couples slaving away for their MBAs, were in fact, not the dating couples I imagined, who’d taken campus romance to the altar, but couples who’d met as strangers through family intervention. In this day and age, these kids had taken the crucial seven steps around the holy fire, without so much as holding hands before the wedding night! And here they were, some with young children, others still settling into their new lives as ‘young marrieds’, but nobody could possibly guess that they had opted for a conventional ‘arranged’ marriage out of choice. When I expressed my surprise, they drawled, ‘Aaw—no big deal . . . it has worked out just great!’ And so it seemed!
In Mumbai, too, more and more children of parents I know are leaving it to mom and dad to look for the right alliance. ‘My mother knows me better than I know myself,’ a young man confessed, ‘I trust her judgement. My dad has seen the world, he has more experience. They know what’s good for me.’ And these are guys in their mid-thirties, who have studied in foreign universities, dated a few girls, done the party circuit. And yet, when it came to marriage, they were more than happy to settle for a conventional, old-fashioned match. Much like their grandparents!
It was my generation that stupidly rebelled against a system that had worked perfectly well for centuries. A lot of us paid the price for letting our impulsive hearts decide who our life partners would be. No regrets. Just that I fear we were blindly following the West and taking our cues from Hollywood, just to prove to our parents how ‘liberated’ and ‘modern’ we were.
Our kids are smarter. And more realistic. They’ve seen too many marriages collapse and they definitely don’t want repeat performances in their own lives. Force-fed on romantic drivel from countless movies, it’s a generation that laughs at the old Mills and Boon version of marriage. They ache for performance and stability. If an arranged match can provide both, they’re not averse to considering it.
They were refreshingly candid while talking about the methodical manner in which their parents had gone about the whole thing. The girls were all educated, attractive professionals who looked happy enough as they adapted to an entirely alien culture with an entirely alien partner. ‘ We got to know each other only after the wedding. But it has worked out,’ they insisted. Some had had earlier relationships, but claimed that fact did not colour their decision. They’d made informed choices and expressed no regrets.
On the other hand, I also met alarmingly young divorcees (some with babies), who lamented the day they’d said, ‘I do’ to a boyfriend of long standing. ‘We thought we knew each other so well. We were used to each other’s ways, too. God knows what went wrong after we got married. It reached a point where we couldn’t stand the sight of one another.’ Can happen. Does happen. Love . . . passion . . . desire . . . madness . . . where does everything vanish? Nobody knows.
The worst thing about a love marriage that ends up on the rocks is that parents get all huffy and judgmental. ‘We told you it wouldn’t work. Did you listen? We knew he wasn’t the right person. Now look where you are.’ Parents in such a situation do have a point. But they also need to rise above their own feelings of outrage and false pride and provide much needed empathy to a child who has made a mistake and is going through hell.
Love marriages may be more common now than they once were in our society, but that’s only because of increased mobility and access. Dating starts during the teenage years. Couples might see each other for close to a decade before tying the knot. But even such marriages can collapse, much to the parents’ dismay. ‘After ten long years you people still didn’t know what you were doing! Ridiculous!’
Parents must avoid this harsh judgment trap and extend a helping hand to an emotionally distressed offspring dealing with a broken marriage and much else. This is a time which can only be described as wretched. I know the feeling. I’ve gone through it myself.
Your self-worth is at its lowest and you’ve never felt as desperately alone. You also feel the entire world is sitting in judgment over what is a personal and painful decision. Friends take sides, cast aspersions, play the blame game. As for foes—they gloat and chortle with glee, while trading the ugliest rumours and theories as to why the marriage collapsed.
If, at such a time, your immediate family turns its back on you too, then why call yourself family in the first place? All it takes is a little sensitivity, a little love, a little patience. I keep running into single parents trying hard to cope with a failed marriage, while presenting a tough facade. Having been there, I can identify with the emotion. No matter what anybody says, it isn’t easy. Never was, never will be. Society is not known for its kindness. When the chips are down, you have just one person to fall back on—yourself!
Not every love match is similarly doomed. There are enough marriages based on great romance. Marriages that have survived all attempts to ruin them. Couples who have battled tremendous odds to be together—religious problems, caste problems, class problems, too. Yet, I fear the vulgarization of the entire love-marriage phenomenon.
At least some of the blame for this has to be shared by popular Hindi cinema. Love ke liye kuch bhi karega and similar sentiments. Nearly everyday, our newspapers run headlines about lovers caught in some hideous situation—elopements gone awry; acid attacks on women who have turned down ardent suitors; kidnappings and rapes. All this in the name of ‘love’. It’s not just an urban problem. These ludicrous manifestations of ‘love’ can be found in rural India, too! A direct spin-off of Bollywood potboilers, I’m convinced.
Marry for love, by all means. But be realistic at the same time. Marrying ‘above’ or ‘beneath’ your own level is an option only the stout-hearted should take. Even in this day and age, a large part of India is still preoccupied with caste and class. Those who attempt to cross either or both, will necessarily be up against a great deal of resistance.
To have the guts to stand up for your beliefs and marry the person you fancy, despite daunting odds, is a challenge. If, on the other hand, you are lucky enough to flip for someone you can happily take home to mother, go for it. There is no better reason to give up your independence than to be with a person you love and who loves you. But love alone is no guarantee.
At the end of the day, it’s back to the C-word: commitment. A couple in an ‘arranged’ match can fall in love later and make a success of their marriage. But someone opting for love cannot then look for the rewards of an arranged alliance. Love is meant to overcome all odds and embrace any and every complication. Nothing quite as unrealistic or lofty is expected from a more conventional approach.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Arrange marriage? One moment please
Thanks to Annitya, landed on nice article Arrange marriage? One moment please
Tip 1: Do not get ‘talked into’ marriage
Tip 2: Going out more than once does not mean it’s a ‘Yes’
Tip 3: Go on dates that take the focus off of the topic
Tip 4: Leave the question answering for the final date
Tip 5: If you are rejected, don’t take it personally
Tip 6: If you reject the relationship, steer away from pointing out his weaknesses
for reading and thinking....
What is the perfect marriage? ...
Forgiveness and love for each.
Given from the loving one-
-from way up above.
Yes, Trust & Love, you are happening
Marriage, you are new beginning
Without the other you shan’t survive.
and then on, they walked hand-in hand..
Tip 1: Do not get ‘talked into’ marriage
Tip 2: Going out more than once does not mean it’s a ‘Yes’
Tip 3: Go on dates that take the focus off of the topic
Tip 4: Leave the question answering for the final date
Tip 5: If you are rejected, don’t take it personally
Tip 6: If you reject the relationship, steer away from pointing out his weaknesses
for reading and thinking....
In truth, arrange marriages are more complicated than love marriages. It demands more time and emotion which the more you put in, the more you’re risking. But if all goes well, there’s nothing like arrange marriages that give you the red carpet treatment from family and relatives. A final note - before looking into a prospective partner do bear in mind that if you can have high expectations, they can too.
What is the perfect marriage? ...
Forgiveness and love for each.
Given from the loving one-
-from way up above.
Yes, Trust & Love, you are happening
Marriage, you are new beginning
Without the other you shan’t survive.
and then on, they walked hand-in hand..
Thursday, March 29, 2007
what is use of Marriage?
recently landed what is use of Marriage? why Marry?
first, I would recommend-- Chasing good life : on being single just to highlight single or married life, happiness/success,et.. will depend on the person.
Having said that--Communication, intimacy and companionship are three of the big draws to a permanent relationship. The warmth of knowing that someone cares and will be there to listen is a common pull to settle down and marry.
Many marry because they find that their relationship challenges them to better themselves. Living alone or in a relationship without commitment doesn’t offer the same challenge to better yourself. An unmarried person has to worry only about themselves. Marriage and children help a person jump over that hump and care about others.
It’s difficult to be selfish when you live with others who demand that you give of yourself; living with a pet demands responsibility, but it certainly doesn’t encourage anyone to be a “mensch.”
Say for Pet lovers -- pet places no challenges on its owner to improve. Animals accept their owner with unconditional love. Though each person dreams to be accepted and loved unconditionally, the truth is that we all need to improve our character and marriage challenges us to do just that.
Ultimately, though maybe not consciously but people marry because of the spiritual and esoteric reasons.
first, I would recommend-- Chasing good life : on being single just to highlight single or married life, happiness/success,et.. will depend on the person.
Having said that--Communication, intimacy and companionship are three of the big draws to a permanent relationship. The warmth of knowing that someone cares and will be there to listen is a common pull to settle down and marry.
Many marry because they find that their relationship challenges them to better themselves. Living alone or in a relationship without commitment doesn’t offer the same challenge to better yourself. An unmarried person has to worry only about themselves. Marriage and children help a person jump over that hump and care about others.
It’s difficult to be selfish when you live with others who demand that you give of yourself; living with a pet demands responsibility, but it certainly doesn’t encourage anyone to be a “mensch.”
Say for Pet lovers -- pet places no challenges on its owner to improve. Animals accept their owner with unconditional love. Though each person dreams to be accepted and loved unconditionally, the truth is that we all need to improve our character and marriage challenges us to do just that.
Ultimately, though maybe not consciously but people marry because of the spiritual and esoteric reasons.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Love, elixir of life?
landed on Meena's blog about Love, elixir of life?
Sands of time pass our way
as we live from day to day.
flashes of light continue to blind
people who try their best to find;
True meaning of happiness
Wondering where this word is.
as another day unfolds,
they don't see what it holds
their eyes are sightless
and they become restless.
In this world we have
Happiness is found only in love of each other...
Love is a minefield. You take a step and get blown to pieces, put yourself back together again and stupidly take another step. I guess that's human nature. It hurts so much to be alone that we'd all rather blow up than be single...so true..strong words with awesome insight... when I think of it:
Sands of time pass our way
as we live from day to day.
flashes of light continue to blind
people who try their best to find;
True meaning of happiness
Wondering where this word is.
as another day unfolds,
they don't see what it holds
their eyes are sightless
and they become restless.
In this world we have
Happiness is found only in love of each other...
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Marriage...(un)Defined..
Recently, landed on Shashi Krishna's blog about Happy? Marriage? or both??
sometime back.. i did some reading and post blog about arrange marriage then i wasn't even close to thinking about marriage.. so i could post a very objective blog.
What is the perfect marriage? ...
Forgiveness and love for each.
Given from the loving one-
-from way up above.
Now, when if i think for answers.. although, from friends experience and my reading (resulted as post) is still logical, real, mindful,.. but i dont know, somehow something might be missing... anyways truth is -- fear is always a lot bigger in your head than it is in reality.. so I takes things as its comes.
Marriage
many have tasted the bitter side of it
many that found themselves inside
wished they were not married
many that are outside
look with great admiration
towards exploiting it benefit and profit
Marriage
an idea divine, designed, imported,
profit and benefit intended
affection, procreation, benediction expected
platform to extend and expand,
goodness, kindness
and the righteousness
of GOD who designed
and also assigned
wisdom to enjoy the same:
to all the creation
Marriage
what is the problem?
many got the product, but neglected the manual
problem reminded many that they are not
fully prepared, Yet it is too late
to enjoy the profit and benefit intended
for marriage
Marriage’s missions: mentoring, maturing, multiplying,
Mission met marriage mended
Mission missed marriage messed
Perfection and Reality are Oxymorons
I know my parents will soon start asking me questions about my plans of ‘settling down’ in life. They will want me to be part of the crowd they were by going in for arranged marriage which does not scare me as much. But what scares me is the notion of being married to someone without love. What scares me is the concept of ‘making love grow’ after tying the knot. What scares me is the scheduled timing that takes place with such arrangements. One cannot blame me for seeing it this way. Born and bred in a pretty liberal society back in India I have been completely exposed to a whole new set of ideologies in the western world for the past decade. This exposure has in effect changed the way I visualize wedlock. I am sure I am not the only one in this weird dilemma as to which way to go when it boils down to ‘spending the rest of my life with someone’.I totally hear him and feel the same.
sometime back.. i did some reading and post blog about arrange marriage then i wasn't even close to thinking about marriage.. so i could post a very objective blog.
What is the perfect marriage? ...
Forgiveness and love for each.
Given from the loving one-
-from way up above.
Now, when if i think for answers.. although, from friends experience and my reading (resulted as post) is still logical, real, mindful,.. but i dont know, somehow something might be missing... anyways truth is -- fear is always a lot bigger in your head than it is in reality.. so I takes things as its comes.
Marriage
many have tasted the bitter side of it
many that found themselves inside
wished they were not married
many that are outside
look with great admiration
towards exploiting it benefit and profit
Marriage
an idea divine, designed, imported,
profit and benefit intended
affection, procreation, benediction expected
platform to extend and expand,
goodness, kindness
and the righteousness
of GOD who designed
and also assigned
wisdom to enjoy the same:
to all the creation
Marriage
what is the problem?
many got the product, but neglected the manual
problem reminded many that they are not
fully prepared, Yet it is too late
to enjoy the profit and benefit intended
for marriage
Marriage’s missions: mentoring, maturing, multiplying,
Mission met marriage mended
Mission missed marriage messed
Perfection and Reality are Oxymorons
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Women.. with Strength or Strong!?
strong woman isn't afraid of anything,
Looking forward to challenges each day will bring,
Women of strength show courage in the midst of fear,
Knowing triumph through faith because the Lord is near.
strong woman works out every day,
Pride in her appearance she portrays,
But a woman of strength kneels to pray,
Keeping her soul in shape, God leading the way.
strong woman relies on the physical attributes making her tough,
In her search for power and money she will never have enough,
woman of strength understands that it’s not about material stuff,
Knowing that before becoming a diamond first she’ll be in the rough,
Strong women won't let anyone get the best of them,
So skilled in defense even if they have to pretend,
Yet a woman of strength gives her best to everyone,
Being anointed with divine blood from the only begotten Son.
strong woman is easily impatient back and forth she will begin to pace,
Counting on her holier than thou attitude instead of depending on faith,
woman of strength is assured trust in God will always carry her through,
And at the Creator’s appointed time she’ll receive all that is justly due.
strong woman sometimes disguises her feelings shadowed by clouds,
Unhinged when challenged on her policy becoming boisterous and loud,
woman of strength concerns herself not with judgment from others,
And will not let business interfere with commitments as a wife and mother.
strong woman walks head first with no doubt in her mind,
Again, no matter what, she’ll not make this mistake a second time,
But a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls,
So when a situation arises again, she’s not afraid to answer the call.
strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same for tomorrow,
Refusing to take time looking back with reverence and Godly sorrow,
woman of strength realizes life's mistakes no matter how slim,
While thanking God for the blessings as she capitalizes on them.
strong woman has faith that for the journey she’ll have enough,
No matter how uneven the terrain or roads being rocky and rough,
woman of strength knows it’s in the journey she will become strong,
And the love of God is forever with her, no matter how difficult or long.
strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face,
Always doing whatever it takes to finish, seeking only first place,
woman of strength competes with an emotional sense of grace,
Understanding it’s more important to run a Holy Spirit filled race.
strong woman when uninformed thinks that she is being mistreated,
In the end her physical attributes fail causing doubt to become seeded,
woman of strength will compromise as a little give and take is needed,
Why? Because a lesson not learned the first time is soon to be repeated.
Women, you can be strong or you can act with strength. so what your choice??
Man, which women interests you??
Source: Twisted some old FWD
Looking forward to challenges each day will bring,
Women of strength show courage in the midst of fear,
Knowing triumph through faith because the Lord is near.
strong woman works out every day,
Pride in her appearance she portrays,
But a woman of strength kneels to pray,
Keeping her soul in shape, God leading the way.
strong woman relies on the physical attributes making her tough,
In her search for power and money she will never have enough,
woman of strength understands that it’s not about material stuff,
Knowing that before becoming a diamond first she’ll be in the rough,
Strong women won't let anyone get the best of them,
So skilled in defense even if they have to pretend,
Yet a woman of strength gives her best to everyone,
Being anointed with divine blood from the only begotten Son.
strong woman is easily impatient back and forth she will begin to pace,
Counting on her holier than thou attitude instead of depending on faith,
woman of strength is assured trust in God will always carry her through,
And at the Creator’s appointed time she’ll receive all that is justly due.
strong woman sometimes disguises her feelings shadowed by clouds,
Unhinged when challenged on her policy becoming boisterous and loud,
woman of strength concerns herself not with judgment from others,
And will not let business interfere with commitments as a wife and mother.
strong woman walks head first with no doubt in her mind,
Again, no matter what, she’ll not make this mistake a second time,
But a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls,
So when a situation arises again, she’s not afraid to answer the call.
strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same for tomorrow,
Refusing to take time looking back with reverence and Godly sorrow,
woman of strength realizes life's mistakes no matter how slim,
While thanking God for the blessings as she capitalizes on them.
strong woman has faith that for the journey she’ll have enough,
No matter how uneven the terrain or roads being rocky and rough,
woman of strength knows it’s in the journey she will become strong,
And the love of God is forever with her, no matter how difficult or long.
strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face,
Always doing whatever it takes to finish, seeking only first place,
woman of strength competes with an emotional sense of grace,
Understanding it’s more important to run a Holy Spirit filled race.
strong woman when uninformed thinks that she is being mistreated,
In the end her physical attributes fail causing doubt to become seeded,
woman of strength will compromise as a little give and take is needed,
Why? Because a lesson not learned the first time is soon to be repeated.
Women, you can be strong or you can act with strength. so what your choice??
Man, which women interests you??
Source: Twisted some old FWD
Friday, February 16, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Saint Valentine,.. and (hi)story goes...
I've often wondered how patron saints are chosen. I sometimes imagine celestial arm-wrestling matches with the winners getting the best holidays, or maybe some saints just have better public relations people than others. In reality, a great deal of consideration is given when selecting a patron saint, and there are usually obvious connections between saints and their causes.Take our friend Valentine, for instance. Around the year A.D. 270 in Rome, emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage, fearing that married men would make inferior soldiers. Apparently approval ratings weren't quite as important in politics back then. Valentine, bishop of Interamna, invited couples to come see him and marry in secret.
Claudius, obviously not a romantic deep down inside, promptly told Valentine to renounce Christianity or face certain death. Valentine not only refused, but also tried to convert the emperor to Christianity. This so displeased Claudius that he had Valentine clubbed. Then stoned. Then beheaded.. on 14th Feb 270A.D.
And you thought you were a martyr for love!
Details at http://www.linguatics.com/StValentine.html
Friday, January 12, 2007
How is this photo beta...!?
How is this photo beta. She is beautiful right ?
Mom asks her beta while showing a girl's color-photo picked out from her diary. This is one of the first questions a concerend mom would ask her "available" beta when she feels her nanna-munna-beta has finally "come-of-age" for marriage purposes. She, even before asking her beta's opinion, would first advertise his profile in one of those communitiy matrimonial circle manazines and collect profiles & photos of available girls around. Then, Based on her perceptionsof the prospective Bahu traits, looks and screening she'd hand-pick a few of these profiles. Once this homework is done she'd introduce the Topic of marriage to his son with one of these photos.
Typically, she thinks her "innocent-beta" would not allow her proceed with the pre-marriage tasks as she feels he'd be "very-happy" being single and would even want to concentrate more on his "career" before thinking about settling down. So this innocent mom would first get the photos and then try to "entice" her betaa with these photos and a quick 2 minute summary of these girls - "five-six tall aakkum !! very fair, Nice character..works as manager in Citibank. Music lover aakkummam"
While our mom is busy with these pre-marriage tasks, seldom she knows about the latent thoughts running on in her "naive-beta's-gullible-mind". As we know, He would typically be obsessed with "Post-marriage" tasks. And a typicalmetro born "naive-beta" would have just had about 13 proposals, 3-5 acceptances, 37 dates and 5-6 broken-heart experiences until now.And his mom knows none of these stories. Finally when none of these "extra-curriculars" works out, the beta would wait for his mom to start "co-curricular" activities.
He'd have cursed his mother silently for atleast 2 years for not starting looking for him. But after the long long wait when his mom pokes a photograph of a pretty looking lady on to his face and asks the question, he'd play a TOM-CAT, would blush, look down, draw semi-circles with his toes and say "Mamma..i dont want to marry now"...
A typical beta would never admit that he wants to marry. Rather he creates a scenario where he gives out the message that he is agreeing to the marriage only under the immense PRESSURE put on him by his parents. Here is how it goes :
Let the time now be 8.15 am. Our beta is getting ready to leave for work. That is the time our mamma shows a photo to him. The girl looked bad,and had a below-expectation type profile. So our beta shouts at his MOM :
"HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TOLD NOT TO LOOK FOR ME NOW ?"..YOU DONT UNDERSTAND...I HAVE TO PLAN A CAREER..A LIFE..I NEED TIME..2 YEARS TIME.."
At 8.30 AM when our beta is just done with the breakfast and when mom feels he's cooled down, she shows another photo --> This time an above-average profile. And a better looking girl. Our Betaa smiles this time, blushes and says softly:
"Oh..amma..i need just some more time before marriage..just..u see..I am working..i need to be focussed..wait for 2-3 months..".
And when at 8.45 am, mom shows a sweet girl's picture (resembling Mallika Sherawat), the guy yields to "pressure" --> First smiles, then controlls smile and then blushes. He'd pretend not to have seen that photo at all (He's definitely noticed the mallika like part though) and say politely :
"If you all want me to marry, then..then..I needed somemore time...but. i'll agree..go ahead..whatelse can i do?..."
Then comes the "formally-seeing-the-girl" part. Son, accompanied by his dad & mom, eldest brother of dad, elder sister of mom and Broker goes tothe girl's house. On the way in the car our betaa would have, by now, gauged the best of features of the girl like a super-intelligent computer.Based on that single photograph of the girl he has seen, our son would have fantasized the girl in atleast three different dresses, hair-styles and fashions. And finally when the girl's dad calls his daughter out to the living room to meet everyone, Betaa realises that the photo he's seen was atleast 2 years old ! And like the India's GDP calculation, the projected estimate (36-28-34) is no where near the actual figure (34-32-36).
By the time he could re-estimate his calculations, imaginations and have another round of self-satisfaction-survey (typically a profile matching execrcise where he'd see if the earlier projected estimate could bere-estimated to fit with actual figure) , his dad & her dad have realised that they have a common close friend. His Mom & her mom have just realised that MoM #1's 2nd cousin's husband's sister was married to Mom #2's sister-in-law's brother-in-law. Also the Girl's naani was the first to recollect the family name of our Betaa's Naana. Now its a real dead-lock --> Even if Betaa wants to get off this marriage, he cannot.And he has to again "yield" to pressure - This time literally.
After consulting with all his friends, our son finally assures himself that 34-32-36 with a Job in ICICI is finally manageable. They (friends) tell him aboutthe intangible aspects of a woman like personality, Behavior etc (Though its a fact that the friends have themselves gone by "numbers" eventually). Finally, they both start sending emails and decide to start dating. And he accepts the fact that Not everyone can be mallika sherawat. There areother heroines too in India.
After-all, according to his imaginations, except for the VitalStatistix, everything else about her (personality, Body Lang, pomp, attitude) is just perfect. Its again similar to how Govt concludes on how "India Is shining" despite poor numbers like fiscal deficit, suicidal rates, Below-poverty-line-% etc). And corporate India goes only by "Numbers". No wonder why the latter is more successful.
During his first date He realises that her english is accented & Body Language is bad (personality test failed). And she realises that he doesnt take bath.
During the second date he realises that she wears only sarees or salwar-kameez. (fashionability test failed). And she realises that he doesn't know to drive a bike.
During the third date he realises that she eats only vegetarian & would never visit a Pub or Bar. And she realises that he's not a first-timer in Dating.
During the fourth date he realises that she can never miss a friday fast or a monday temple visit. And she realises that He can never miss a friday mumbai-disc or sunday pune-disc.
During the fifth date he realises that she wants him to quit smoking and drinking. And she realises he wants her to start doing both.
During the sixth date he realises that her family is Keen to get married to him immediately. And she realises his family has already fixed up the date of marriage.
---------------- Marriage Takes Place ------------------------
After 1 week into marriage he realises she's not even Mamta kulkarni - forget Mallika sherawat. And she realises that he's salman khan without fitness.
Yet...Yet...After 1 month he & she realises she's carrying :-). But how ? :-) :-)
After 1 year, they realise they are three - Not two anymore.
Yet...They complete silver, golden Jubiless together as a happily married & settled couple.
Yet..people around call it the perfect marriage and term them "made-for-each-other"
Ofcourse there's another story on what the Girl realises about Guy at different stages. But that could be more Nasty to write here! So in this successful relationship, Neither the "numbers" worked well. Nor the Intangibles. "Marriage is all about compromises" --> People say !! But when everything is against expectations, can we call it a "compromise" ?
got theses screens from unknown author fwd.. but thought this could enlight few of us..;-D
Good day to you & If you are single like me, Good Luck too !
Mom asks her beta while showing a girl's color-photo picked out from her diary. This is one of the first questions a concerend mom would ask her "available" beta when she feels her nanna-munna-beta has finally "come-of-age" for marriage purposes. She, even before asking her beta's opinion, would first advertise his profile in one of those communitiy matrimonial circle manazines and collect profiles & photos of available girls around. Then, Based on her perceptionsof the prospective Bahu traits, looks and screening she'd hand-pick a few of these profiles. Once this homework is done she'd introduce the Topic of marriage to his son with one of these photos.
Typically, she thinks her "innocent-beta" would not allow her proceed with the pre-marriage tasks as she feels he'd be "very-happy" being single and would even want to concentrate more on his "career" before thinking about settling down. So this innocent mom would first get the photos and then try to "entice" her betaa with these photos and a quick 2 minute summary of these girls - "five-six tall aakkum !! very fair, Nice character..works as manager in Citibank. Music lover aakkummam"
While our mom is busy with these pre-marriage tasks, seldom she knows about the latent thoughts running on in her "naive-beta's-gullible-mind". As we know, He would typically be obsessed with "Post-marriage" tasks. And a typicalmetro born "naive-beta" would have just had about 13 proposals, 3-5 acceptances, 37 dates and 5-6 broken-heart experiences until now.And his mom knows none of these stories. Finally when none of these "extra-curriculars" works out, the beta would wait for his mom to start "co-curricular" activities.
He'd have cursed his mother silently for atleast 2 years for not starting looking for him. But after the long long wait when his mom pokes a photograph of a pretty looking lady on to his face and asks the question, he'd play a TOM-CAT, would blush, look down, draw semi-circles with his toes and say "Mamma..i dont want to marry now"...
A typical beta would never admit that he wants to marry. Rather he creates a scenario where he gives out the message that he is agreeing to the marriage only under the immense PRESSURE put on him by his parents. Here is how it goes :
Let the time now be 8.15 am. Our beta is getting ready to leave for work. That is the time our mamma shows a photo to him. The girl looked bad,and had a below-expectation type profile. So our beta shouts at his MOM :
"HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TOLD NOT TO LOOK FOR ME NOW ?"..YOU DONT UNDERSTAND...I HAVE TO PLAN A CAREER..A LIFE..I NEED TIME..2 YEARS TIME.."
At 8.30 AM when our beta is just done with the breakfast and when mom feels he's cooled down, she shows another photo --> This time an above-average profile. And a better looking girl. Our Betaa smiles this time, blushes and says softly:
"Oh..amma..i need just some more time before marriage..just..u see..I am working..i need to be focussed..wait for 2-3 months..".
And when at 8.45 am, mom shows a sweet girl's picture (resembling Mallika Sherawat), the guy yields to "pressure" --> First smiles, then controlls smile and then blushes. He'd pretend not to have seen that photo at all (He's definitely noticed the mallika like part though) and say politely :
"If you all want me to marry, then..then..I needed somemore time...but. i'll agree..go ahead..whatelse can i do?..."
Then comes the "formally-seeing-the-girl" part. Son, accompanied by his dad & mom, eldest brother of dad, elder sister of mom and Broker goes tothe girl's house. On the way in the car our betaa would have, by now, gauged the best of features of the girl like a super-intelligent computer.Based on that single photograph of the girl he has seen, our son would have fantasized the girl in atleast three different dresses, hair-styles and fashions. And finally when the girl's dad calls his daughter out to the living room to meet everyone, Betaa realises that the photo he's seen was atleast 2 years old ! And like the India's GDP calculation, the projected estimate (36-28-34) is no where near the actual figure (34-32-36).
By the time he could re-estimate his calculations, imaginations and have another round of self-satisfaction-survey (typically a profile matching execrcise where he'd see if the earlier projected estimate could bere-estimated to fit with actual figure) , his dad & her dad have realised that they have a common close friend. His Mom & her mom have just realised that MoM #1's 2nd cousin's husband's sister was married to Mom #2's sister-in-law's brother-in-law. Also the Girl's naani was the first to recollect the family name of our Betaa's Naana. Now its a real dead-lock --> Even if Betaa wants to get off this marriage, he cannot.And he has to again "yield" to pressure - This time literally.
After consulting with all his friends, our son finally assures himself that 34-32-36 with a Job in ICICI is finally manageable. They (friends) tell him aboutthe intangible aspects of a woman like personality, Behavior etc (Though its a fact that the friends have themselves gone by "numbers" eventually). Finally, they both start sending emails and decide to start dating. And he accepts the fact that Not everyone can be mallika sherawat. There areother heroines too in India.
After-all, according to his imaginations, except for the VitalStatistix, everything else about her (personality, Body Lang, pomp, attitude) is just perfect. Its again similar to how Govt concludes on how "India Is shining" despite poor numbers like fiscal deficit, suicidal rates, Below-poverty-line-% etc). And corporate India goes only by "Numbers". No wonder why the latter is more successful.
During his first date He realises that her english is accented & Body Language is bad (personality test failed). And she realises that he doesnt take bath.
During the second date he realises that she wears only sarees or salwar-kameez. (fashionability test failed). And she realises that he doesn't know to drive a bike.
During the third date he realises that she eats only vegetarian & would never visit a Pub or Bar. And she realises that he's not a first-timer in Dating.
During the fourth date he realises that she can never miss a friday fast or a monday temple visit. And she realises that He can never miss a friday mumbai-disc or sunday pune-disc.
During the fifth date he realises that she wants him to quit smoking and drinking. And she realises he wants her to start doing both.
During the sixth date he realises that her family is Keen to get married to him immediately. And she realises his family has already fixed up the date of marriage.
---------------- Marriage Takes Place ------------------------
After 1 week into marriage he realises she's not even Mamta kulkarni - forget Mallika sherawat. And she realises that he's salman khan without fitness.
Yet...Yet...After 1 month he & she realises she's carrying :-). But how ? :-) :-)
After 1 year, they realise they are three - Not two anymore.
Yet...They complete silver, golden Jubiless together as a happily married & settled couple.
Yet..people around call it the perfect marriage and term them "made-for-each-other"
Ofcourse there's another story on what the Girl realises about Guy at different stages. But that could be more Nasty to write here! So in this successful relationship, Neither the "numbers" worked well. Nor the Intangibles. "Marriage is all about compromises" --> People say !! But when everything is against expectations, can we call it a "compromise" ?
got theses screens from unknown author fwd.. but thought this could enlight few of us..;-D
Good day to you & If you are single like me, Good Luck too !
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Marriage.. from The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
You were born together,and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together
even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Source: The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
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