Musings of Marriage..

recently landed on page of a soul who is world part yet so similar... we all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same - Anne Frank

comments on Musings of Marriage
to dear Ferreting Fish,

it would be interesting to see-- if you keep this blog for next 30yrs and write about same topic when your son/daughter at same age..;¬)

for sure marriage involves adjustment-- question what you want to adjust? you can compromise habits(may be lifestyle) but not character.

freedom..!!? look at this way-- do you ever wanted freedom from your parents..!? (possible no). ok understood, you need space for ur interesting without enforcement but we human general like interference. imagine you are painter and your hube gave 'freedom' to achieve your fame. but he doesn't care to notice ur failure/success nor any support you thru it..! you will say- he's not caring enough although he give all the 'freedom' u asked for.

that's the key compatible match-- yes we all long for it. but we fail to realize we are not the same person last year or year before nor will be our loved ones in future. as long as we accept changing self and changing others around us it will always be difficult to fit-in. We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person -- Somerset Maugham

and about age-- i thought only female had expiry date (ok,iam not sexiest)) and male too has it in today's marriage market. that's 30s iam told and have to wrap my mind before otherwise i have loss 'choices'.

gotram/nakshatra or even caste/community are beyond my understanding. i dont even have one of those chart paper and not even my parent got married with that thingee. poor parents they don't know what to do when someone ask for the paper/chart/whatever..:L

reading these details-- iam glad not that i had opportunity to be different(rather more normal in a sensible world) but my parents are. not just that they dont want me to visit anyone unless iam sure but infact they are too much that they dont want to be in scene(may be background) until iam ok. problem is if & when iam ok then i dont want them play the community card..;l so its kinda deadlock with either having no clear idea..;!£$^"^&%£$*

taking about parents -- just recently i took couple months break from work and spend time home and realized i have case study of marriage at my home. my parents cannt any different from each other and in today's urban liberal world version either they wouldn't have been together in first place even if not for long. one being educated, individual, well employed(read that as exposed to wide world), with no belief in superstition, social, kinda of idealist, stay low key avoid conflict to any cost, believes even enemy has reasons to be enemy,..
and another with little exposure to world, education, very strong belief in religion/gods and their actions.. opinionated (makes mind and its quite a work to change that). off late become more liberal then the other,.. not anti-social but certain not too much enthu among strangers,..and now add that to complicated thread of family tree/bond wider aunties/uncles looking up for help, guidance, advice, suggestion and criticize when done anyways. for years both had their difference, some many arguments on almost everything especially off late..l)

that's one of hell of relationship but they pull off for 34+yrs and still going strong. reasons could be various factors-- may be their social settup, may be not exposed to alternatives(ignorance is bliss), etc... ofcourse love/care but i cannot ignore-- respect, trust, faith on each other's intentions.

million $ question is: in which part of their relationship they bulit this for each other? also they knowing each other for better part of their life before marriage is big advantage, which most don't have.

so that's no secret afterall. commonsense-- respect, trust, faith on each other's intentions, love/care and similar interest, lifestyle has to fit-in somewhere in that list.

but i still don't know how to & whom to gain that from and how to do that before making big decision of marriage. so Good Luck to me.